C.O.P.S. Wrong Strings, Berserko!

May 11, 2017

—

At an old abandoned section of the city’s subway stands a mobile trailer which serves as a laboratory of the notorious mad scientist Dr. BadVibes, who, along with his robot sidekick Buzzbomb, is working on another device to help Big Boss commit another crime.
Dr. BadVibes: “Everything’s just about ready, Buzzbomb. How’s fueling of the VacMobile coming along?”
Buzzbomb: *brackets translating Buzzbomb’s robot dialect* [Almost full, Dr, BadVibes.]
BadVibes: “Good! Very good! These VacMobiles will help clean up all those cluttering bank safes and dusty jewelry displays. Soon all of the filthy money will be removed from the newly opened Bank of The People in one clean sweep!”
Buzzbomb: [Hope we got clean hands for handling all that dirty money.]
BadVibes: “We sure do, my faithful robot friend. This Law Away Sanitizer I created will get rid off all those nasty germs of justice we get whenever we find ourselves arrested by those dirty handed flatfoots and their crime-fighting gadgets. Yech! Who wants to get their hands stained with their handcuffs?”
Buzzbomb: [Not Me.]
BadVibes: “Me neither.”
Berserko: *barging in* “Hey, Dr. BadVibes! Ya gotta help me!”
BadVibes: “Berserko! Just what are you doing running around in your underwear? And what’s with that broken stringed violin?”
Berserko: “I wanna get some strings to fix the violin Uncle Big Boss wants to play.”
BadVibes: “I don’t have any strings, Berserko. But I do have something to to provide cover up for you. Go put on some clothes I got stashed away inside the lab’s wardrobe. We’re going to do some spring cleaning on a certain bank across the road from a newly opened music store.”
Berserko: “Spring cleaning?” *grinning wickedly* “All right! Be right back.” *races to the lab*
Buzzbomb: [All fueled and ready to go.]
BadVibes: “Excellent! Let’s test it.”
Buzzbomb: *looking around* [But there’s nothing to test it on.]
BadVibes: “Oh yes, there is, Buzzbomb.”
Buzzbomb: [What or who?]
BadVibes: “YOU!” *turns on the vacuum device*
Buzzbomb: *getting sucked in* [Hey! Whoooooooaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!]
BadVibes: “Hee Hee Hee Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! Works like a charm!”
Buzzbomb: [LEMME OUTTA HERE! LEMME OUTTA HERE, YOU CONE-HEADED CREEP!]
BadVibes: “Hey! Watch what you’re saying, buddy, or no steel wool cupcakes for you.”
Buzzbomb: [YIKES! OK! OK! I TAKE IT BACK! I’M SORRY! I’M VERY, VERY SORRY I INSULTED YOU! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!]
BadVibes: “Apology’s accepted, Buzzbomb.”
Buzzbomb: [LET ME OUT OF HERE! I’M SCARED OF THE DARK!]
BadVibes: “Say ‘please’.”
Buzzbomb: [Please?]
BadVibes: “With sugar on it?”
Buzzbomb: [With sugar on it?]
BadVibes: “With a cherry on top?”
Buzzbomb: [With a cherry on top?]
BadVibes: “Very well, Buzzbomb. Out you go.” *reaches to pull the reverse lever*
Buzzbomb: *getting sucked out* AAAAAAAUUUUUUEEEEEEEEE!
CRASH!
BadVibes: “Welcome back, Buzzbomb. Hee Hee Hee Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!”
Buzzbomb: *dazed with sparks flying from his glass dome* [Ooo, my achin’ circuits..]
Inside the lab, Berserko tries on some hand-me-downs from BadVibes’ wardrobe.
Berserko: “Shoot. None of these stinkin’ clothes fit. Makes me wanna try out some of that fat eater pills he got stashed away somewhere around here. Hey! What’s this?”
Berserko notices a strand of strings lying around the desk.
Berserko: “Cool! Violin strings!”
Taking the strings, Berserko quickly replaced the broken strings with the strings he found on the desk.
Berserko: “There! Fit as a fiddle! Now Uncle Big Boss will happily perform his first crooked opus. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!”
BadVibes: “What’s taking you so long, Berserko?”
Berserko: “Almost ready, Dr. Badvibes. But I can’t seem to find anything to wear that’ll fit me.”
BadVibes: “Look in the extra large chest at the floor of the wardrobe, you nitwit!”
Berserko: “Oh! There it is.”
Berserko opens the chest to find a old tuxedo set and a white curly wig
Berserko: “Wow! Neat fancy stuff to wear at on stage! Speaking of on stage..”
Berserko quickly puts on the tuxedo set and wig and gaze in a large mirror.
Berserko: “Soon I’ll be the envy of all the musicians in Empire City, with fans everywhere jammin’ to the song ‘Rock me Berserk-o-day-us!’ Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!”
BadVibes: “Quit fooling around in there, Berserko! Finish getting dress and get out here this instant!”
Berserko: “All dressed and ready to perform!” *emerges from the lab*
Buzzbomb: [Woah!]
BadVibes: “Egad! What are you doing in that silly Beethoven costume!? We’re going on a crime spree, not perform in a philharmonic!”
Berserko: “I knew that! I just wanted to go a robbin’ in style and then perform my first sonata.”
Buzzbomb: [You can’t play that thing!]
Berserko: “Oh Yeah? Sez who?”
BadVibes: “I thought you said Big Boss wanted to play the violin.”
Berserko: “I did! But I wanna play it to make sure it works with your new strings attached before I hand it over to Uncle Big Boss.”
BadVibes: “But I don’t have violin strings, Berserko. I told you that before.”
Berserko: “Well what do ya call these?” *shows the violin with new strings attached* “I found them on the table while looking for some clothes to wear.”
Buzzbomb: [Yikes!]
BadVibes: *sparks flash from the glass dome* “Th-Th-Th-Those are not violin strings!”
Berserko: “So what? At least that big ol’ tub-o’-lard will have his violin back and everything’s gonna be so hunky dory with Big Boss doin’ the screech-box and us rollin’ around in moola and prestige. Come on! Let’s get out there and make ourselves rich and crookedly famous! Crime’s-a-wasting!”
With that Berserko runs to the vac-mobile and climbs in.

Buzzbomb: [Should we tell him what they really are, Doc?]
BadVibes: *shaking his head* “Nah! Why bother arguing with that pea brained idiot, Buzzbomb? Let him figure it out for himself.”
Berserko: “Coming Dr. Badvibes?”
BadVibes: “Oh might as well. You stay here and watch over the lab while I go out with Berserko, ok?”
Buzzbomb: [Ok, Dr. Badvibes. Be careful and don’t get caught.]
BadVibes nods as he goes to join Berserko in the vac-mobile.
Berserko: “Here we go! Off to perform my first concert of crime! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!” *revs up the vehicle and speeds away*
Buzzbomb: *watching the two crooks drove away* [Sigh. If Berserko tries to play that string-a-ma-jig, he’s gonna be in for one hot time in the old town tonight- literally.]
Just then Ms. Demeanor and Rock Krusher and Buttons McBoomBoom, whom they have just sprung out of prison, drops by to see Dr. BadVibes and ask if he have seen Berserko.
Buttons: “He’s should be around here somewhere. Last time I heard, he’s working on some huge vacuum cleaning device.”
Krusher: “Hey Dr. BadVibes! Where duh heck ya go!?”
Buzzbomb: [He not here.]
Ms. Demeanor: “Hey, Buzzbomb. Where’s that cone head pal of yours?”
Buzzbomb: [He went with Berserko to go rob a bank across the road from a music store.]
Ms Demeanor: “But what about the violin? Big Boss wants it back now.”
Buzzbomb: [He took it with him right after he replace some broken strings with explosive fuse cords that will bust into flames the moment you slightly jar it. You must get that string-a-ma-jig away from Berserko or else he’ll try to play that thing and find himself and the whole area within a 1 yard radius being engulf in flames before you can say, “Berserko, you nincompoop!”]
Crooks: “GASP!”
Krusher: “Oh no.
Ms Demeanor: “Then we gotta get out there and stop Berserko right now before he gets fried by that fiddle laced with pyrotechnic explosive wires that will explode into flames the moment Berserko starts performing pizzicato on that thing. Come on!”
At once, Rock Krusher, Ms. Demeanor, Buttons, and Buzzbomb all got in their air speeders and blasts off to go after Berserko who thinks he’s out to achieve music stardom with his not-so-great performance. But, a certain harpist, his “lady”, and his teacher begs to differ.
*to be continued*

OwossoHarpist

Sherry Konkus lives in Owosso, MI. She is the proud owner of the Camac Athena EX Concert Grand Harp named “Grover” and Camac Mademoiselle named “Ernie.” She’s also the proud author of The Punisher Harp Zone. Sherry is the one who came up with the idea of portraying The Punisher from Marvel Comics as the punishing harpist who plays the harp in memory of his family who was killed by the mob years ago.

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About the author

Why does The Punisher play the harp?

It’s easy to imagine The Punisher shooting up criminal hideouts and blowing off the heads of thugs and mob bosses as the ultimate punishment for their crimes. But it’s hard to imagine (and believe) that there is also very gentle side to The Punisher no one knows about except for The Defenders (Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, and Iron Fist), Microchip (aka David Linus Liberman), and Spider-man (aka Peter Parker) who actually saw and became amazed at him doing something no one has ever thought he could do with his violent hands– play the harp. A gentle stringed musical instrument no one could ever believe that The Punisher would have such talent and ability to use his otherwise destructive hands to gently and tenderly pluck and caress its strings.

Indeed, it’s very hard to imagine and believe that the Punisher’s violent hands that brake bones, strangle necks, and punch out guts are the very same hands that softly and tenderly pluck, caress, and gracefully sweep across the strings of the harp.

Why does he do it, you asked? Because Frank is doing this in memory of his family whom he communes with through songs, poems, and prayers as he gracefully wave his battle-scarred arms and hands across the strings to fill his private family shrine with harp music that moves The Punisher to joyful tears.

Where did the Idea of The Punisher and his Harp come from?

It’s a concept I, Sherry Konkus made up myself. It combines my new found obsession with The Punisher that I had since 2014 and my life long love for the harp. It is the very best concept I ever made. This is my version of The Punisher from Marvel Comics who is portrayed by me as the punishing harpist who plays the harp in memory of his late family who got killed by a criminal mob years ago and whenever he needs a break from waging a one man war against organized crime.

The Punisher was created by Gerry Conway with the help of artists John Romita, Sr. and Ross Andru. His name coined by Stan Lee. The Punisher is owned and trademarked by MARVEL.

The idea, concept, and inspiration behind The Punisher’s portrayal as The Punishing Harpist who plays the harp in memory of his family is in fact my own. Sweetest. Idea. Ever.

The Punisher Harp Zone Archive

C.O.P.S. Wrong Strings, Berserko!